Need to abandon ship?
These ten phrases will instantaneously guarantee that your first date will be your last date:
• "Yeah, my new job is ok I guess. But still, I really miss my old job at Neverland Ranch."
• "Hey! Remember that time I fingered your mom at the circus?"
• "No, I don't smoke weed. I'm only into huffing solvents."
• "Vote Republican."
• "Why thank you, but this is actually a wig. I'm completely hairless. everywhere. Ask me why."
• "I don't have a car... or a penis."
• "Gee, I'm not sure if I can meet you tomorrow or not. I'll have to ask the Almighty Leader when I return to the Fortified Compound of True Believers."
• Don't say anything. Just grind your teeth and glare. Wait for her to comment on that homemade 'Satan for Hire' tattoo that you've recently carved across your face.
• "Did you just fucking fart?"
• "Would you mind if I put this ball gag on you? Just for a sec? I wanna see how it looks."
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